We’ve all had those moments when we thought, “This is it. This is how I go.” But instead of being wrapped in drama, some of those moments are served with a generous side of ridiculousness.
Welcome to the world of near death experience stories funny enough to make you laugh until your stomach hurts.
Whether it’s nearly choking on a burrito at 2 a.m. or fighting a battle against a wasp hiding in your pants, these aren’t just survival stories—they’re tales of chaotic comedy.
So grab a snack (just chew carefully), and enjoy these hilarious near-death stories that turned fear into farce.
1. The Treadmill Takedown: Gym Goals Gone Wrong
David, a 32-year-old marketing executive from Chicago, decided it was finally time to get serious about fitness.
He bought new gym gear, downloaded a motivational playlist, and hit the treadmill like he was training for a marathon.
Everything was fine—until his shoelace untied itself like a sneaky saboteur.
One moment he was sprinting, the next he was airborne, flying backward off the treadmill.
He crashed into the water cooler behind him, sending plastic cups and gallons of water flying in every direction.
As he lay sprawled on the ground, soaked and stunned, the gym staff ran over to help.
One of them gasped and said, “Sir, your Apple Watch just logged this as a swimming workout.”
Moral of the story? Health is important. So are double knots.
2. The Killer Avocado: A Millennial’s Worst Nightmare
Jenna, a 28-year-old food blogger from Portland, was making an Instagram reel on “How to Cut an Avocado Like a Pro.”
With her camera rolling and her confidence high, she grabbed a large chef’s knife and aimed straight for the avocado pit.
Unfortunately, her knife missed the pit and plunged into her hand instead.
Screaming in pain, holding half an avocado in one hand and bleeding from the other, Jenna ran around her kitchen yelling, “I’M GONNA DIE HEALTHY!”
She survived with six stitches and a great TikTok video that went viral. The avocado, however, met its end.
Lesson? Avocados are delicious—but also deadly when pride meets blade.
3. Wasp in the Pants: Two-Wheeled Terror
Karan, an IT professional from Mumbai, was riding his scooter on a hot summer afternoon when he felt a tickle in his pants. Thinking it was just sweat or fabric, he kept going.
Suddenly, a fiery pain shot through his thigh. A wasp had nested inside his trousers—and it was not happy.
Startled, Karan swerved and lost control, crashing into a roadside fruit cart. Bananas exploded everywhere. Papayas flew through the air like fruity missiles.
As he stumbled out of the wreckage, red-faced and panting, he shouted, “Tell my mother I died a hero!”
Spoiler: He didn’t die. But he now wears gym shorts under his pants as a precautionary measure.
4. Sleepwalking Shenanigans: Midnight Joyride
Megan, a 35-year-old teacher from Boston, has always been a sleepwalker. One night, she sleepwalked right out of her house—wearing fuzzy unicorn pajamas—and climbed into her neighbor’s unlocked car.
She curled up in the backseat and went back to dreamland.
By morning, the car owner called the police, reporting a possible kidnapping or car theft. When the cops arrived, they found Megan snoring peacefully, unaware she was inside the wrong vehicle.
She woke up to flashing red and blue lights and confused officers.
“I thought it was my Uber!” she explained.
No charges were filed. But her neighbor now double-checks their doors. Megan now sleeps with a door alarm. Everyone wins.
5. The Burrito Battle: A Spicy Showdown
Ethan, a college student in Texas, came home from a party absolutely famished. At 2 a.m., he microwaved a massive leftover burrito packed with beans, rice, jalapeños, and regret.
He bit into it like a champion… until a hidden jalapeño lodged in his throat. He began coughing, gasping, and flailing his arms like a spaghetti noodle.
His roommate, woken by the commotion, attempted the Heimlich using the only thing available: a giant beanbag chair. He basically tackled Ethan from behind like a slow-motion football play.
Out popped the jalapeño, landing in the fishbowl. The fish survived. So did Ethan. Now he chews thoroughly and respects spicy food more than ever.
6. Ceiling Light Catastrophe: Bubble Wrap Savior
Linda, a 58-year-old retired nurse from Florida, decided she didn’t need help to change a ceiling light. Who needs ladders when you’ve got a rolling office chair?
Balancing like a circus performer, she reached up to unscrew the old bulb. That’s when the chair betrayed her.
She slipped, fell backward—and landed perfectly into a giant pile of leftover bubble wrap from her Christmas packages. The popping noises were so loud, the neighbors thought someone had fired a gun.
The police came. Linda was fine. Slightly bruised ego, slightly amused officers. She offered them chocolate chip cookies. They accepted.
Linda now keeps a ladder in the kitchen. Just in case.
7. The Zoom Call Electrocution Scare
Matt, a software developer working from home, was on a high-stakes Zoom call with his new boss. He had dressed up (at least from the waist up), styled his hair, and even cleaned his background.
Enter: Kevin the cat.
Kevin jumped on the desk, knocking over Matt’s full mug of coffee. The coffee spilled onto his laptop, which fizzed, sparked, and made a popping sound before going completely black.
Matt screamed and disappeared from the Zoom call.
Colleagues thought he’d been electrocuted live. HR called. His manager panicked. One coworker cried.
Ten minutes later, Matt texted: “Alive. Laptop is not.”
Kevin the cat is now banned from the home office. And Matt owns a spill-proof travel mug.
Conclusion: Death Didn’t Win—But Comedy Did
These near death experience stories funny enough to write home about remind us that not every brush with danger ends in disaster. Sometimes, they end in banana peels, spilled coffee, or viral videos.
Laughter, as they say, is the best medicine—and these stories are living proof. Or nearly-not-living proof. Either way, they show us how absurd, hilarious, and wonderfully unpredictable life can be.
So the next time you find yourself dodging ceiling fans, food fights, or furry feline saboteurs, remember: You might be a few seconds from disaster, but also a few laughs away from a legendary story.
Also read: 7 Short Horror Stories to Read Online
Mark Richards is the creative mind behind Classica FM, a podcast platform that brings stories, knowledge, and inspiration to listeners of all ages. With a passion for storytelling and a love for diverse topics, he curates engaging content—from kids’ tales to thought-provoking discussions for young adults.
